Revelations On "Normalcy"
Last Week I Made A Mind Boggling Discovery - Life Goes On. And In Israel That May Not Be As Good As It Sounds.
Apologies On My Week-Long Absence
Let me begin this post by apologizing to all “The View From Israel” subscribers and readers. As usual, every winter, taking the flu shot or not, I picked up the flu. This year, I was determined not to let it get to me. That obstinancy turned into a case of walking pneumonia—the whole enchilada: chills, temperature, and the inability to concentrate on anything. So, writing a compelling post was out of the question. I could barely keep up with the news and what was going on.
This story is a bit roundabout, a little on the personal side, and interestingly enough, forced this author to face a new reality.
A Funny Thing Happened To Me On The Way To The Forum
When I began “Letters We Never Sent” (the sister substack where I still have to put in more effort for submissions and subscribers), I decided to use my digital art within the letters. As we all know, visuals are essential, and in “The View From Israel,” there is no need to use art when reporting current events.
My mind was on “The View From Israel,” “Letters We Never Sent,” “Cobwebs Of The Mind,” and technology work. In short, I was pretty busy. But the most pervasive atmosphere was the war, what would happen, and how this would all end. In short, I was and still do sublimate my feelings by keeping as busy as possible so I do not have to overthink or let emotions always take hold.
But then I was suddenly sick in bed. And when you are like that, you watch whatever is on Netflix or YouTube, listen to Podcasts, and try to read when the letters are not swimming before your eyes on the Kindle. The one thing one does not do is become obsessive over depressing news. Of course, I did precisely that. I am sure you all have been there.
When I woke up the next day, I decided I was well enough for a short walk (which, as it turned out, was a really dumb mistake). So I get all bundled up and head outside. Everything looked and sounded normal. The workers (who are Palestinians) were building homes, picking up the garbage, doing installations, and working all over, just like before October 7th. Nothing had changed. The trees were still there, the flowers were growing, the rain had stopped, and the sun had come out. Supermarkets were open and full of shoppers. Shops were not doing great, but little by little, people were returning. And, of course, the favorite Israeli pastime of sitting in the Cafe was in full bloom again. People were laughing again. They were smiling.
So, what was wrong with that picture?
It was normal! Too damn normal!
Then I thought back to a business phone call from the day before that had to do with my Digital Art Shopify Store, “Cobwebs Of The Mind.” That was also way too normal. Business is normal. Life is normal. It gave me the chills all over again, which made me realize that normal will never happen again. I went home and crawled into bed with no strength to do anything but envelop myself in sorrow.
Time Does Not Heal All Wounds
I felt guilty. That is the first emotion. Then came shame. Why? What right do I have to continue with life as usual when others are struggling with life-altering wounds, both psychological and physical? How do I return to the normal state when others will never know normalcy again? I assume that is some “survivor guilt,” but I’m not a psychologist, and I have no wish to overthink this. As I always say, “It is what it is.”
Yet, on the other hand, I had to wake up from the nightmare. Pull myself out of the depths of hell. I had to make my brain understand that behaving as normal, even though I did not believe anything would return to October 6th, but “behaving as normal” was also critical.
What Does Normal Feel Like After 10/7?
The Abnormal To The Normal
When you meet or call someone you have not spoken to before the war, you first ask in silent trepidation of the possible answers, “Are you and your family all right?” And sometimes, the answer you receive is not heartening.
The Abnormal To The Normal
When your phone rings with a number not in your contacts, and you do not recognize it, your heartbeat goes up, and your blood pressure goes through the roof. The unknown is your enemy because the news on the other end of that phone call may not be what you want to hear.
The Abnormal To The Normal
When someone you have done business with calls you to remind you gently that you have forgotten to pay a bill, they do not want to bother you because of the war. So they profusely apologize for reminding you of a bill you had forgotten about.
The Abnormal To The Normal
When you hear Arabic in the streets, you stop for a moment to check your surroundings. Suspicions abound, and no matter how open-minded you claim to be, you realize you have been infected with fear, which is primarily rational. And the rationality of that fear bothers you even more.
The Abnormal To The Normal
When you read the headline, “1.7 Million Gazans Fled Their Homes. They Have Nowhere to Return To,” even if it is in a newspaper you never agree with, your heart says, “That is not my problem.” And you know that is not what you should be feeling, yet it is precisely what you think.
The Abnormal To The Normal
When the news returned to pre-October 7 headlines and fights and politics, the headlines were about the ultra-orthodox not fighting in the IDF, and you know there is sense to that argument, but you also know that it will not be solved via headlines.
The Abnormal To The Normal
When you sit down in a cafe alone to enjoy an espresso and some moments of peace, you feel guilt and shame for doing it. And all around you are people involved in quiet conversations or on their laptops working furiously.
The Abnormal To The Normal
When the word “hostage” no longer seems abnormal, nor does it force you into a rage. When hostage becomes part of the normal conversation, which ends with the Hebrew saying, “Elohim Gadol.” Which ironically means “God is Great” but is diametrically opposed to “Allahu Akbar.”
The Abnormal To The Normal
When phone calls and text messages from your children and family do not cause you to jump in fear and drop everything and answer “What happened?” without even a “hello.”
The Abnormal To The Normal
When you take a stake of all around you and suddenly find yourself smiling with inner joy. And you wonder how you can feel joy ever again, yet there it is.
The Abnormal To The Normal
When you really want to heal yourself and others and take away all the pain, there is nothing you can think of to do such a thing. You have become resigned to feeling an inner sorrow for the rest of your life, and pray your children never get to that stage.
The Abnormal To The Normal
When you look to the heavens in prayer, ask yourself, “Why am I praying? Does God really care?” And you want to go to a mountain top and scream out “GEVALT,” a Yiddish word that is impossible to define (as so many Yiddish words are), as it encompasses all the sorrow, heartache, and devastation in the human soul.
Will life ever be “normal” again?
No. We must redefine our normalcy and live with it.
We must live with the consequences of 10/7.
We are the generation of Israel’s “Day Of Infamy.”
We are the witnesses.
We are the reminders.
We are the voices for those who can no longer speak.
We are the next generation praying “Never Again.”
We are those who have been cursed with an end to normalcy.
Normal is long gone. But we must dance and laugh and live and love again as we navigate today's crazy upside down world. And we must fight to maintain our humanity, push fear into the background when it rears its ugly head, AFTER we assess it. Sanity for me lies in knowing God is Sovereign, still on the the throne; keeping my eyes on Jesus...not always easy when staying informed. Catching the start of a downward spiral, checking it and turning it around. Prayer and music always help. Calling friends. Lifting others up.
This is powerful. I can't imagine the collective PTSD yet need-to-move-on in Israel.
How can one trust the Palestinians again? Especially after learning of the Palestinians who on the one hand were friends with Israelis living on the Kibbutz's yet then gave Hamas intel and maps of those Kibbutz's.
Your body needed a break. Hope you're feeling better.